Friendship vs. Fighting

Gottman says that the heart of happy marriages is based on a “deep friendship.” A “deep friendship” means a mutual respect for an enjoyment of each other’s company. When I think of a couple who has a deep friendship, I think of my parents...

They are very well versed in each other’s likes and dislikes and their hopes and dreams. It does not matter what they are doing but as long as they are together, they are having fun. My parents have set such a good example for me in showing me how I want my marriage to be. Growing up and even to this day, I see my parents talking with one another multiple times throughout the day whether it be talking on the phone, texting, or leaving sweet love notes for each other. They have a sincere desire to know what is going on in their spouses’ daily routine. I have seen that it's these small, but important acts that’s help fuel the flame of romance. Friendship is indeed the key to a happy marriage.

I loved the example that Gottman used about the couple who had a deep friendship. Of course, couples with this kind of relationship get in disagreements. This couple, in particular, was arguing about one reason or another. In the middle of their heated discussion, the wife randomly put her hands on her hips and imitated their four year old by sticking out her tongue. The husband knew exactly what she was going to do, so he stuck out his tongue first. They both started laughing and this funny action totally released some tension. Although there are disagreements, it is a great idea to use repair attempts as a secret weapon. Gottman says that this is a marriage that will flourish. Marriages must learn to deal with conflict in healthy ways so that it does not negatively affect their friendship.

None of us are perfect. We will never be perfect here in this life but we must learn to follow the perfect example of Jesus Christ. I loved reading about the parable in Bible about the Good Samaritan and how Goddard related that to our lives today. The third passerby was a Samaritan. As we know from the parable, this Good Samaritan cared for the injured man. We can relate this response to our daily lives as we strive to be good husbands, wives, etc. This Samaritan was looking for someone in need and it was not just happen stance that he had bandages with him. He was prepared to serve. Sometimes it will not be easy, but we can act as the Good Samaritan in our marriages. 

Goddard asked, “How do we react when someone blames and attacks us? Do we minister with love and patience?” Those are the golden questions of the day. Do we focus on the good in our marriages rather than the bad? Do we do things that help build our friendship with our spouse? Lastly, do we express our love often? Marriage is all about being unselfish and thinking about the other person's needs first. I know that as we act as the Savior would, then we will be blessed with a great desire to serve, love, and let go of pride. Friendship is better than fighting.