I love that Gottman uses the word priority to
describe how important it is to put your spouse first. Marriage is all about
making the other person your priority. My husband and I recently attended a
conference here at BYU-Idaho called “Power 2 Become.” One of the speakers spoke
about the word “priority.” He mentioned that the definition of the word
priority is a thing that is regarded as more important than the other. If
priority is focused on one thing, then how is it that we can have priorities?
The speaker at this conference emphasized the importance of having only one
priority and according to Gottman, our priority should be our spouse. No matter
how busy our lives can be, our marriages must be our first priority.
This week, I also enjoyed reading chapter 4 of Gottman’s book
about the studies that have been shown of marital satisfaction and
dissatisfaction from the birth of the first baby. My husband and I are
newlyweds and we hope to start our family in the near future. People often tell
us that once the first baby comes, everything changes. I understand that there
are many changes that take place, but we constantly hear that many people
become dissatisfied in their marriage when they become parents. Of course, we
want to do everything possible to keep our marriage strong when this event
takes place in our lives. It was so refreshing to read that 33 percent of
couples did not experience this decline in marital satisfaction, but they
actually saw their marriages improve! Why? It is because they had detailed love
maps from the beginning. These love maps protected their marriage and helped it
flourish during the crazy and exciting times of life. As we can see, it is so
important to keep each other up to date and be very aware of what we are
thinking and feeling. Learning this has been a breath of fresh air to me.
I know that by making marriage a priority, a couple can create
those important detailed love maps. I also know that those couples who have
detailed love maps of each other’s world are far better prepared to cope with
the stresses of this life. My grandpa always told his children and
grandchildren that marriage is W-O-R-K! I agree with him because marriage is
work! It takes time, effort, patience, and love. In the end, it pays off to
have a strong marriage.
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