Snowball Effect

President Hinckley said, 

“I am satisfied that a happy marriage is not so much a matter of romance as it is an anxious concern for the comfort and well being of one’s companion.” 

This quote has caused me to reflect upon the importance of turning toward each other in a marriage, instead of away. Gottman has seen through extensive research that those couples who engage in lots of interaction tend to remain happy.

I am reminded of a time a few years back when my family and I went on a snow trip. On one particular day during our vacation, we climbed to a very steep hill to go sledding. (You may be asking yourself what this experience has to do with marriage, but keep reading.) As we reached the top of the steep hill, we began making little snowballs. We began rolling these snowballs down this large hill. The snowballs kept rolling down the hill and as they did so, they got bigger and bigger. It was amazing! These little snowballs turned into balls of snow that were more than 6 feet tall! Gottman said, “Turning toward operates under a law of positive feedback- like a snowball rolling downhill, it can start small yet generate enormous results.” We are taught in the scriptures that, “it is by small and simple things that great things are brought to pass” (Alma 37:6-7). By paying attention to those “bids” that couples make, turning toward each other, and by looking for quiet ways to serve, we are able to keep our marriages alive and flourishing.

We all know that we are not perfect. We each have challenges and trials, but we can have full confidence that our Heavenly Father has put us together with partners and life experiences that help us grow toward godhood. Goddard made a great point by saying that anytime we are faced with irritations and disappointments, Heavenly Father is giving a chance for us to become more like him. We can repent, change, and become better! Isn’t that our end goal, to become perfected like our Savior? That is why it is vital to look beyond the here and now and to have an eternal perspective.

Now the question is what can my spouse and I do to put God first in our lives this week? How can we continue to create shared meaning and goals? I invite each of us to pray and ponder these questions so that we can have unity in our marriages.

Ezra Taft Benson said, 

“As we put God first, all other things will fall into their proper place.” 

I know that as we look outside of ourselves, look for small and simple acts of service everyday, and have an eternal perspective, then we will be happy in our marriages. We start small, like a small snowball, but these small and simple acts will yield great results. How grateful I am that we are not required to be perfect here in this life. We are, however, required to try our best and have faith that all will work out. Our goal is to have a happy marriage that will last for eternity.