First things first...Grant and I hit 3 years of marriage in March! THREE! Those were the fastest, most wonderful three years. WE HAVE HAD SO MUCH FUN TOGETHER!!! I love our adventures! Marriage is amazing. I love my husband so much. He is my best friend and he compliments me in such a way that no one else could.
Life has definitely taken its twists and turns throughout our 3 years of marriage and we are learning that life never goes according to plan. BUT, even though life doesn't go according to plan, Heavenly Father's plan is always much better. These past three years, my testimony has grown tremendously that the Lord is aware of each of us his children. His timing is perfect.
I've tried to understand his timing for things. For example...
Grant and I were married rather quickly. We were only steady dating for one whole week before he proposed to me. We were married seven weeks later. It all fell into place and we knew that we were suppose to be married. Birth control just wasn't working out for me, so we just thought that we would take babies whenever they came. Honestly, we hoped to start our family right away, but our timing was not what Heavenly Father had in store for us. We moved to Houston, Texas summer of 2015 for our first year of summer sales and then once the summer was over, we decided that we should start trying for a baby. Month after month passed and still no baby conceived. I was starting to get worried. I just hoped that everything was okay and that we were healthy. I also had such strong desires to become a mother. I just didn't know why the Lord was making us wait when we had such good desires.
January 2016, we decided to go see the doctor. We had almost been married a year at this time. The doctor was not in any rush to help us out. He said we were still young and had many years ahead of us. Of course, that did not help my female heart who longed for a baby. The doctor encouraged us to go get a few tests done for both Grant and I and then come back in a year if things were still not happening. We did the tests and everything came back normal.
Throughout this time, we have had so many spiritual experiences. Sure, there have been doubts like, "Are we ever going to have children?" Grant has always remained the solid, steady one in our marriages. He just knows that all will work out. I remember one day vividly. We were living in our condo on Washington Ave. I was having a rough day because I knew and felt that this was going to be a trial that we were going to deal with for awhile. Grant and I knelt by our bed and Grant offered the most humble prayer to our Heavenly Father. During the prayer, it became really quiet and there was such a peaceful spirit in the room. I looked over to Grant and tears were running down his eyes. Once our prayer was over, he told me that he had felt the presence of our multiple children. He could feel their valiant spirits. I have learned to be very grateful for these tender mercies that the Lord sends my sweet husband. They have comforted me beyond measure.
Just as the doctor said, we came back a year later. After being very diligent in tracking my cycles, when I'm ovulating, etc. we decided to go on Clomid. For 6 months (from January 2017-June 2017) I took Clomid every month hoping that this would possibly work. Unfortunately, it didn't and we were back to ground zero as to why we can't get pregnant. At this point in time, I decided that I just needed to have more faith, not worry about it, and trust in the Lord because he obviously knows what is best. It didn't make it any easier that all my high school friends were expecting and now onto their second child. It also didn't make it any easier that people were always asking when we were going to have children. My favorite question was, "Do you guys want children?" haha. I laughed to myself...if they only knew...
My brother came home from his mission. Before his mission, we asked him who he thought would change the most while he was gone for 2 years. He said that I would because I would probably have a baby. Well, he came back and still nothing.
After summer 2017 ended, we moved up to Rexburg, Idaho to study at BYU-Idaho. Honestly, during this time, I was not even worried about babies. I just embraced my life up in the frozen tundra with my husband. We emerged ourselves in our schooling, work, church callings, social life, etc. Then, during our second semester up there (January 2018), we kept having promptings that we needed to see another doctor. Well, the Lord led us to Dr. Faye Call at Madison Women's Clinic. Faye has been so perfect for us and has been there for us every step of the way. One fast Sunday, we were fasting that our doctor would be inspired on what to do to help us. Sure enough, we went in for our appointment and she said, "Grant and Katie, I stayed here in the office late last night and was looking over your charts. We want to help you." She then gave us a whole list of possible things that we could do.
...and that began our next chapter in this battle. We then began to do A LOT of blood work. Grant did his test and some more blood work. I also did a vaginal ultrasound. The doctors were shocked that nothing was wrong! Grant was great. I was great.
There we were again...stumped. Not knowing what to do. Grant and I joke around that we have never felt so much opposition to have a baby. The school semester ended and we moved to Bountiful, Utah (where we currently are living right now) for our fourth year of summer sales. Dr. Faye recommended us to a doctor here in Utah and we thought, "Great! The Lord is leading and guiding us. This doctor will for sure be the answer to our fasting and prayers." We scheduled a consultation to meet with him the first week of our move. We woke up bright and early that morning in hopes of some really good news from the doctor. Unfortunately, this was the worst experience. Both Grant and I left the office still confused, puzzled, and just sad. I was an emotional wreck. The only good, positive thing that the doctor told us was that I needed to get an HSG test to clear out any blockage.
Great! I called my mom, once Grant left for work, bawling to her about the whole situation. She suggested that I call every doctor in Utah who does the HSG test to find the best price. That's what I did. I spent some time that afternoon calling every doctor and finally found a good one for $245. We scheduled the appointment for that Friday.
Once again, we woke up early for our early morning doctor's appointment at the hospital with a different doctor. They dressed me in the lovely hospital gowns and the doctor went to work trying to clean my tubes. After about 20 painful minutes, he gave up. I couldn't believe what was happening! He said that my cervix was way too small to get his instruments through and that I would need to come back after I got my cervix dilated another procedure.
At this point, all we could do was chuckle. Seriously? Grant and I called my mom again upset. She was so confused. An hour later, she called me back letting us know that she had done some research and that a tight cervix might be the reason why we haven't conceived. Because I didn't feel good with the first doctor, I called our sweet Dr. Faye and scheduled a cervical dilation for Monday, May 14, 2018 in Rexburg, Idaho. Grant took the day off of work to drive up with me since I wouldn't be able to drive myself home. They put me on some crazy meds for the procedure. Everything went well and the procedure was a success. Grant just had to deal with a very emotional wife afterward.
Grant helped me into the car. I was still crying. We were hungry, so we decided to stop at Cafe Rio for lunch because we could get student discounts. I waited in the car while Grant went and got our food. A few minutes later, he came back with a huge smile on his face. He told me that someone, a poor college student I'm sure, paid for our entire lunch. Grant said that he told him that he had just gotten paid and he just wanted to buy our lunch. All of a sudden, we both burst into tears. That little act of kindness meant so much to us. That man had no idea what we had just been through and what we have been going through, but he listened to the Spirit. We sat in our car and offered a prayer of gratitude. I am so thankful for people who are sensitive to the spirit. That experience testified to me that Heavenly Father was aware of us and that he has been there every step of the way.
We are still not pregnant and we don't know what the future holds. We have been so thankful for our family and friends who have prayed and fasted for us. My little sister Hannah has been wanting us to have a baby for so long. My mom tells us that in every prayer that her little heart offers, she makes sure to include us. One Sunday, she woke up and walked into the kitchen where my mom was making breakfast. It wasn't a fast Sunday, so my mom asked her if she wanted breakfast. Hannah told her no, that she was fasting today for Grant and Katie. I love the faith of a child. We have felt the prayers from each and every one of our loved ones. For that, I am truly grateful and humbled.
I know that trials make us stronger. I also know that trials help us feel closer to the Savior. Grant and I have had to rely on Him more than ever. We have come so close as a couple and we have absolutely loved this time that we have been able to spend together. We have grown in so many ways. I am so thankful for this trial, and although it is hard, I know that we will LOVE our baby SO MUCH when he/she decides to come to our family. Good things are worth waiting for....
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